NO MAKEUP FOR BEAUTY Day 3: Sharks are swimming . . . .

Day 3 – Big day, big day indeed. “Hump day”, in the middle of what was and what will be. I wanted to be as physically comfortable as possible, enter flannel print button down and hair in a side braid. I love me a good braid, but thanks to my worst haircut ever still in the end phase of growing pains, these luxuries are few and far between. I think God was smiling down on me today knowing what I was about to be up against, at least for the first two hours:)

Hardest part about no makeup: Going back to work, AKA the shark tank, looking “less than” according to the average bear.

Perk about no makeup: I got to braid my hair. It took about 20 minutes.

Social test: See above. Today was my jump back into the work force, aka Shark tank, after being off for over a week while the kids were home for Spring break. Let me clarify, my company in and of itself is not a shark tank. I work for outstanding individuals who exhude top notch ethics and appreciation for hard work and dedicated employees. I love my job. It’s the mean girls I have issue with, and there are a good number of them on all different floors, It’s them I feel I have to “sparkle” for. Isn’t that silly? Society often tells women we need to “put our face on” to impress a man, or our man if you’re taken. Going back to day one, and from what I’ve been hearing and learning on my journey, men truly are not the one’s that care, at least not the one’s are worth our time and concern. The majority of men actually PREFER the just out of bed, hair a bit messy, no makeup, fresh faced beauty. Up until today I always thought this to be a smoke screen, something they say to make us feel better about the fact we look like “Madame Medusa”, a lie. But, I’m the one whose been lying. To myself. They mean it.
Really, if questioned, most women will tell you that our largest critics are our peers – other women. Age doesn’t matter, nor does background, education, social status. A woman born and raised in Georgia, who makes 1 million a year is on the same playing field as another who grew up in Detroit and can barely find full time work that pays 8.00 an hour. Two things bring these women together, bring all women together, and that is their first name is judgment and their last name is gossip and they aren’t happy or “normal” unless they are doing both on a regular basis. Did any of said “girls” in the office building utter comments to me or about me because my shine could be seen 50 miles away? That I heard, no, but in the mind of a woman, just because I didn’t hear it, didn’t mean it didn’t happen, and we can never give anyone the benefit of the doubt. . . .

Revelation: Yes I left that off being extremely sarcastic, but for a point. Why do women have this mindset that a fellow woman will take a chance in stabbing her peer in the back or IS in fact doing this before she takes the time to befriend her? As women, we have a huge responsibility to each other in breeding self esteem, and yet when opportunity knocks, in most scenarios, we breed the exact opposite. Jessica Simpson and Kim Kardashian have put on weight exceeding in 200lbs with their first pregnancies (GASP). Instead of saying “Good for you, your first baby only happens once, LIVE IT UP”, we are the FIRST to say “WOW, she looks like total crap, Good luck trying to work that off”. Really? I gained almost 100lbs with my first, I topped the scale at about 215, no lie and I’m proud to say that. While the work in losing it was tough, most of my pregnancy was enjoyable NOT being concerned with diet and excersise. I had no interest in being Victoria Beckham, proved relevant by the fact that I ate my weight in Mexican food whenever I was given a green light.
It seems as though a gut reaction of “meanness” lies deep within us all, we all have it in us to be nasty, from attacking someone’s physical features to deeper issues within. It starts as kids, it grows through teenage moments, and is still carried up through adulthood. Don’t get me wrong, not all women are beasts to one another. There are a good many who are not, but I think those women first had a “come to Jesus” talk before they became who they are today. How do we rid ourselves of this disease before it’s too late?

Heart check: This one cracked a piece off I think, of the heart that is, because I’ve realized I am no better than the scenario I described above. I’ve hurt many a woman with the things that I’ve said or didn’t say when given the chance. Friends, enemies, strangers. I’ve hurt myself even, uttering untruths and forcing myself to believe them, thinking it’s helping when really it’s damaging my soul.
Women – I say we need to wake up, put the guns down, and realize that we are each other’s strongest asset. We are a force to be reckoned with when bonded together, we can change the world . . . .rephrase . . .we WILL change the world. because we are so headstrong and determined that there is no other option. We need to be this for each other and use it to our advantage! We need to try hard EVERY day to build one another up, no more cut downs, no more jabs just because we can. You can tell yourself 100x over that what you say to or about someone else doesn’t matter or shouldn’t, but it does. It truly does, and the worse part of it is, you are hurting yourself above anyone else. I’m not telling you change your stripes if you are a tiger or to paint them on if you are a kitten, but use your strengths in character to pick someone up instead of pushing them down. If we don’t have each other, who do we have? There was a study done on reasons men seem to die at a younger age than women. Other than the fact that they refuse caring for themselves properly, another cause was found to be they have no one they share life with completely uninhibited. The ins and outs, the ups and downs, no one to cry with or laugh with or be downright honestly silly withThey bottle stress because they have no one they feel they can be completely vulnerable with. Women do this, it is who we are and what we are about, it is one of our best qualities. If we keep crushing each other to bits, who will we have?

Goal: I am not trying to win a sainthood in all of this and I know, as much as I talk about goals and the need for change, I will stumble back into some of these poor behaviors more times than not along the way. But I am resolving to try and trying is the first step in achieving greatness. To combat this “mean girlism” I vow for 1 week (at least) to not be mean. While that sounds simple, trust me, as a woman, surrounded by other women, it is so not. No matter what I hear, no matter what is said, no matter how much my blood boils, I will keep silent. If I have the urge to “blast off” then i will do so using a pen and a pad or a keyboard and a monitor and then hit “delete” so the words never truly leave my mouth, but they leave my heart. I’ll let you know how that goes . . . .:)

Women need real moments of solitude and self-reflection to balance out how much of ourselves we give away.
Barbara de Angelis

All original content copyright Sara Elzerman, 2013.