People say trust is the number one thing two people must share in any relationship. Friends, family, lovers, the trust you give these people, and the trust you give yourself WITH them, can dictate every word, every dance, every decision. Most of the world feels trust is something you must freely give if you want to relate and communicate with others. To not do this can be seen as cowardly, snobby, mean, guarded. What these people fail to understand, however, is there are two sides to this spectrum of trust, and the other can be a very dark, painful place not too many have come back from once traveled.
The other side I speak of…. this black, miserable black hole of confusion, uncertainty and regret….is a place no-one likes to live in but most do, daily, and to no direct fault of their own. They are usually thrown here after one too many lies, one too many stabs in the back, one too many closed doors. To not put up walls of stone in the face of this, walls taller than the biggest mountain, is more dangerous than any gratification or pleasure of an open, honest relationship could ever possibly bring.
Why do people lie to one another? Why do they make choices that directly bring another pain when it is so easy to give happiness? Can one who has walked this way of life for far too long, shadowed by sadness and spooked that just beyond the corner waits another hurt just waiting to pounce, ever hope to come out of it? Should they even want to? Most optimists and even pessimists would say yes, there is hope for everyone, in all walks of life to come into “the light”. The path they have experienced “in this light”, however, is actually their midnight, it is certainly not a happy place. It’s the stuff their nightmeres are made from, these relationships are their fire-breathing dragons, love is the monster under their bed, and trust is their vampire, waiting to suck every inch of life out of them.
So is it, then, cowardly to live in a fortress, completely secure and protected from all outside attacks or is it in fact cowardly to live in a vacant field, waiting for the enemy with open arms and fresh air? Since when did protection from harm become a bad thing? It’s obvious to me in my 32 years of life that people, as a whole, will certainly never change. We are all too selfish, too wrapped up in our own stuff to consider helping someone get rid of some of their’s. People just suck. Too many people, when given the chance, will make a wrong choice because it feels good, not realizing or worse, not caring that someone else is waiting at the brunt of that bad decision, and now left to pick up the pieces and struggle forward into a new normal. People lie, it’s what they do, without rhyme or reason or conscience. Be it a break up, a severed friendship after many years, a family dispute that never gets resolution. The movies always has a knack for turning these painful, god awful situations into humor or presents them as problems “easily” solved . They never quite nail the hammer on the head of the loss that one feels, or the questions that will never gain answers.
Simply put, trust is earned, not given. You don’t earn it by playing both sides of a fence. You don’t earn it with untruths, regardless of how you try to justify your dishonesty. You don’t earn it by guilt. You don’t earn it with one foot in the sand and another in the ocean. You earn it with action. You earn it with love. You earn it with honesty to both yourself and someone else. You earn it with both feet, both hands, head, heart and soul ready to play, win or lose, and all for the same team.
In the midst of being “Vader”, swimming in my dark side, a big black suit covering any and every part of me to avoid exposure to harm, there have been some brave enough and good enough to break through that armor and they will ever and always be near and dear to me. These people have proven me wrong, that yes, it is possible to be in the light and actually be in the light, no fear, no worry, only love. It’s these people who bring me out of the waves and into shore, it’s you who give me hope that trust is a real, concrete thing that some are worthy to possess and give…. if you are reading, thank you today, tomorrow and forever for reminding me that good people are out there and I am special enough and deserving enough to call you friends.
Life according to Longnote . . . 